Love is Murder
by sandlotus
Summary: emo When a dark depression takes over Lee, what will he resort to? May continue if it is liked.
1. Chapter 1

And here I thought you cared. My life, always in danger. You, always gone.

Out, away. It doesn't matter. You've made your point. I can't talk to you without you leaving me, I can't see you because you won't meet me halfway. You expect me to pay for everything. To hand over everything, to give it all up for you. I already had, and where did it get me? Heartache, heartbreak. A gaping black hole where I once had a full heart. Full of love for you. But you broke me, you left me for another. I tried so hard to still be here for you. But it's hurts, the dark pain seeping deep into my soul

I drank poison for you, my Juliet. I gave my life for you, my very essence. I gave you my love, I gave you my everything. I died in every way possible, all for you. To still be here for you. But when you left I thought it was all over. Now you love another, you'd give your life for them. You don't understand how painful that is for me.

Still, I force a smile. I struggle to appear cheerful for you. God, give me the strength to get through this. Give me the ability to heal my heart, the emotional scars that have been left behind. No physical pain could match this trauma.

He hadn't even gotten to finish writing in his journal when he saw his ex striding across the field, holding hands with his new lover. Lee stared for a moment, and he could feel the bitterness twisting inside him. But he forced a smile, his eyes lighting up with deceptive joy. "Gaara…" He swiftly leapt to his feet, shoving the small notepad into a pocket before approaching the other two, giving Gaara a heartfelt hug. He could feel the tears stinging his eye, but refused to let them fall, instead releasing his previous love to swiftly turn away, gesturing across the field as a breeze combed through the blades of grass. "Isn't it nice out here? Peaceful…" Even he heard the drop in his tone, the darkness lying at the edges. Sakura now seemed like a silly little crush compared to the love he still held for the kazekage.

When silence met him, he glanced over a shoulder, locking gazes with Gaara for a split second before he looked away again. "What's up?"

Naruto cleared his throat, removing his hand from Gaara's; whom crossed his arms habitually when he had both free. "Look, Lee…" Naruto began, a hand absently shoving into a pocket of his orange jumpsuit.

Lee tensed, and swiftly turned to face them. "Don't….I don't need your pity. I just…I don't need it. Gaara-kun is happy. That's all that matters. Despite my efforts, I couldn't make him smile. I couldn't please him or make him love me. But he adores you."

Gaara's eyes narrowed in silence, before he looked away. It was true enough. He had used Lee to a certain degree, only allowing him to bring him off. No kissing, no little loving caresses. Just…sex. And money. Lee had a tendency to dote on him, and Gaara took it for granted, accepting each gift, before he began asking for more of them. But he didn't ask anything of Naruto. They spent a lot of time together, so much he hardly got any work done. And he had knowon Lee still loved him when he and Naruto had sex. He just hadn't cared. He'd tried with Lee, and it failed. So Gaara didn't see a problem with becoming sexually active with Naruto.

Gaara stepped closer to Lee, his expression cool. "Don't overreact. You're only making yourself look like a fool. We tried and it didn't work."

\Lee's eyes blazed with fury. "Only because you gave up. You didn't give a shit. If I had gone into battle and died, your main worry would have been how you would get off, and where your next present was coming from! I proposed to you, Gaara! You said you weren't ready, and then you're so committed to another relationship so easily?"

"You don't understand a thing, Lee. Stop acting like you do."

Lee growled lowly, his expression pale with pain. "Screw you. Just go away." he growled, his spine stiff as he walked away, heading back home. It started raining as he did, the fresh drops mixing with the tears running down his face. _Why does he have to be so cruel? Why didn't he love me? Would he have if I had tried harder, done more for him? What did I do wrong? I gave him everything he asked for, and he still turned me away…._

It was when he got home, he inhaled deeply, and shakily. He slammed the door closed behind himself, locking it before he headed into the living room, kicking off his shoes as he did. He scowled at a picture he had of him and Gaara, set in an oak frame. He picked it up, staring at it for a moment as he ran a finger over the glass, before throwing it across the room. It went sailing into a wall, the glass and wood shattering. "I hate him!" He cried out desperately, running fingers through his hair before gripping tightly. He knew it was a lie. He didn't hate Gaara. He couldn't. All he could do was love him, like a hopeless fool.

Lee sighed, heading into the bathroom. He stripped down, climbing into the shower. His mind filled with turmoil, with painful memories as the hot water streamed through his hair, and down his face. It was beginning to drive him crazy. The memories of him and Gaara only put salt in his wounds, but he was a glutton for punishment. He remembered the first time they had made love. He remembered their vacations, the only time they had gotten to spend together.

His eyes squeezed shut as he slammed a fist against the tiled wall, cracking the porcelain as he left a crater in the wall. "Why?" he murmured softly, feeling his heart shatter. "Why wouldn't he love me? What does Naruto have that I don't? I tried so hard…."

He swiftly shut off the water, his hair dripping wet as he climbed out, wrapping a towell around his waist. He stared at his reflection. He could hear voices from the past…

_Bug eyed._

_You'll never be a ninja…_

_Look at those freaky eyebrows!_

_Useless.._

_Hopeless dreams._

_Dropout._

_Failure…_

Then through that came Gaara's voice, the first time he had admitted his respect for Lee. This made Lee struggle to breathe as he began hyperventilating. He couldn't take it anymore. He had made it to jounin, and his dream had been to be a splendid ninja. He could say he had reached that goal. He reached into the medicine cabinet, pulling out one of his shaving razors, and pulling it apart from the plastic, holding a thin and sharp blade in his hand now. He stared at it. "Is it worth it?" he murmured to himself.

Images of Gaara and Naruto flooded his mind, and he left the bathroom, heading into the kitchen to grab a pen and a piece of paper.

_To my friends~_

_You'll never know how much you all mean to me. Your patience and you, yourselves was what got me through everything._

_To Naruto~_

_Take care of Gaara. Love him like he's the most precious jewel in the world._

_To Gaara~_

_I'll always love you. You're the other half of my heart._

He left the note on the kitchen table before glancing at the razor again, swiftly jamming it into his throat. His eyes widened. There was minimal pain, but he could feel the blood welling up, before flowing in a rich and dark red stream. So red it was almost black. The strength began to leave him, and he sank onto the ground, yanking the razor out again, only to deftly slice a wrist, his head tilting back as he closed his eyes with a sigh. "I love you, Gaara…"


	2. Chapter 2

_**3 years previous~**_

Throughout his experiences at the academy, Lee had been through a lot. Good and bad. Gradually he had built walls around himself, letting only a select few breach them. Most importantly his sensei. His sensei, whom had taught him to never give up, to fight for what he wanted.. To give his life for his dreams, his goals. It was that stubborn determination and pride that Lee soon inherited, as well as a sweet disposition. A compassionate soul, natural forgiveness, an easygoing personality. A winning smile, and a strong spirit. A warriors spirit. It was all of that mixed together that had him where he was standing now.

Lee cleared his throat, rubbing a bandaged hand over his other arm as he shifted, glancing at the boy across the field. He felt sympathy for the sand ninja. A tugging at his heart for the redheads past, for the trauma he had in his past, the sadness he knew he had tro deal with day to day. Despite the fact he knew Gaara would never admit tot it, if he could just get him to open up a bit, to talk to him..maybe he would have a new friend. And Gaara would learn that not all people were trash. That some could be trusted. If an old dog could be taught new tricks, than a ravaged soul could be taught benevolence.

He eyed the figure warily, glancing down at his injured leg, before gripping tightly at the crutch under his arm, despising the object. But he couldn't bring himself to dislike Gaara for the injuries. He respected his strength. His quick thinking in that split second when Lee had blinked. Admittedly, it had been creepy when Gaara came up behind him in a waterfall of sand, but it added to the effect. He stepped closer to Gaara, sensing the redheads chakra flare. Gaara didn't make a movement, but he could see the spine stiffen, the muscles at Gaara's back coiling.

"Did you come to ask for me to finish the job?"

Lee had only heard Gaara's voice in battle, and had for the most part tuned it out in his excitement, so was amazed at the soft, cool tone that had sharp edges. He stared at Gaara for a moment. There was more to it than that. In Konoha there was all kinds of analysis, even voice analysis. In Gaara's voice…

It was like an uncut diamond. Rough around the edges, but something you know you should be paying attention to because there was value in it. And in Gaara's case, he already knew when he spoke, there was value. Because if you didn't pay attention, Gaara's words could be the last things you hear. It troubled Lee to know such a disturbed person.

When Gaara got no response, he half turned, turning his cyan gaze directly onto Lee's chocolate brown ones unblinkingly; waiting. The stare made Lee a bit uncomfortable, and he shifted a bit. "I heard you're going back to Suna tomorrow."

There was a long pause, long enough to make Lee wonder if Gaara would answer. It was also long enough to make the powerful Rock Lee wonder if he was about to lose use of his other arm and leg as the gaze locked on his again as Gaara nodded. They just stared at each other for a moment, and lee mentally wondered how a person _got_ eyes that color. And if that was makeup around the eyes. But on a mental note; asking someone who tried to kill you in the hospital would definitely kill you if you asked.

He tilted his head. "Well…I wanted to congratulate you on winning the match."

"You….what?" Gaara stared at Lee as though he had grown a second head. "You do realize I was going to kill you, do you not? To crush you? Squeeze the life from your body and enjoy the feel of your blood as it showered-"

"I get it."

Gaara's eyes narrowed as Lee cut him off midsentence. He could honestly say no one had ever dared do that.

Lee sighed, rubbing at his head. Gaara was making this difficult. "Walk with me for a minute, please."

"Walk?" Gaara's gaze drifted, lingering on the crutch. "An interesting term you use."

Lee arched an eyebrow. "I may have a broken arm and leg, but I can still walk."

He didn't wait for another refusal, stepping closer. "Come on, I want to talk to you about a few things. I'll buy you something to eat."

Gaara paused, growling lethally before he followed after Lee reluctantly, a sulky scowl plastered across his lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Lee led him down the street, gesturing to the shops on either sides of them. "What looks good to you?"

Gaara eyed the places in distaste, his nose wrinkling. He therefore remained silent, because nothing looked good to him.

Lee sighed softly. "I, myself love curry. Naruto likes ramen…"

His coffee brown eyes flickered over to the shorter ninja in time to see a visible shudder go through the frame. "…not that I'm saying you have to like the same food. What _do_ you like, Gaara-kun?"

He mentally flinched as the cyan eyes shot to him sharply; echoing with coldness that sent chills down his spine.

"Don't use my name so familiarly." Gaara ordered icily, crossing his arms as though making it final.

Lee managed to hold his gaze for a few moments, his eyes feeling as though they were burning. But his head dipped a fraction in a nod as he swallowed roughly. "I apologize, Gaara-san."

Gaara tensed, but seemed to allow that title, as he continued walking. "I enjoy beef tongue." He muttered. He could sense Lee's surprise at his answer, but more at the fact that he answered at all. He could also feel the disgust at his food of choice. He felt it coming from the person walking next to him in giant waves, and it made him grit his teeth. He tried to tell himself it was the food that disgusted Lee, but sand rustled at his feet defensively. And that only added to the problem when Lee's gaze went directly to it, eyeing the grains warily.

"Beef tongue. Got it. I'm sure we can find some somewhere.." Lee murmured. To be honest, the sand still gave him nightmares. He had a feeling it always would. Some nights he woke in a cold sweat, remembering their fight in the exam, and the limited usage of his arm and leg. But he also knew it was Gaara's element, his specialty. He respected Gaara's power and strength. He cleared his throat, gesturing to a small, dimly lit shop at the edge of the village. It looked somewhat dingy, and abandoned. "It doesn't seem like much, but apparently beef tongue isn't in high demand…"

He wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but he would have sworn he had seen a trace of amusement flicker across Gaara's features briefly. But as quickly as it had come, it had left. They entered the shop, and without prompting, Lee bought Gaara his beef tongue, and a glass of tea. "Is there anything else, Gaara?" He half turned to the redhead, a little bewildered at why he was being stared at like an insect beneath a microscope.

"…..No." Gaara accepted the meal tentatively. "I can pay for myself." He felt compelled to add, staring at the leaf unblinkingly.

A sense of relief washed over Lee. Was that all? "Oh, its nothing. No big deal. Money is nothing to me. And like I said, I'd like to talk to you, so; I figured I'd buy you lunch as well."

Gaara frowned, but headed a bit away, sitting at the base of a tree. He brought his knees up, using them as a table for his wrapped package of food. But he didn't trust others that cooked for him. He glanced at Lee. "You try it first."

A thick eyebrow twitched up. "What? I don't even like beef tongue."

"_Try it._ I'll know if it's poisoned if you start spasming and foaming at the mouth."

Lee's eyes widened in horror. "You can't be serious."

"If I say I'd get you medical attention, would you try it first?"

Lee swallowed roughly, he had to get Gaara's trust. To let him know he could believe in him. So he nodded. As much as he despised the smell of the beef package alone, he took it out of Gaara's hands; cutting off a slice. He bit into it, holding back a repulsed expression as he managed to swallow the bit. "See? Its fine."

Gaara took the food back. "Hn." he began eating silently, and Lee took the moment to talk.

"I want to cut straight to the chase. I know how rough of a life you've had; and if anyone understands it, I'm sure I can…"

Gaara snorted. "Doubtful." He glared at Lee. "Do you know what it's like to have your father forge a sand spirit into your unborn form?"

Lee rubbed at his head. "Admittedly, no. But I am as much an outcast. I've gone my whole life on sheer will, with no ninja talent whatsoever. I'm sure it doesn't compare; but I want you to know that while you feel alone in the world; you're not. You just have to open your eyes to those willing to be your friends."

Gaara went still at that one word. _Friends_. It was alien to him. Foreign, not to be trusted. Just like this ninja. His uncle had once been nice to him as well. Cooked for him, treated him nicely. And where had it gotten him? Six feet under and a one way ticket to hell. But that was his own damned fault. You don't trick an emotionally unstable six year old. And you especially don't toy with a sadistic, equally as emotionally unstable teenager. That was a lesson Lee would have to learn. _Friends_. Why did the fool think he would fall into his trap?

But Lee seemed to sense the turmoil going on in Gaara's head and leant forwards to stare into the cyan eyes. "Gaara? Just hear me out. Keep an open mind..please? We've both lived our lives alone. True, you have family. Your brother, and your sister. But I know how alone you really feel, and I feel it too. All the time. Like everyone abandoned me. Pushed me aside. Like they all just...wish I wasn't..."

_Freak._

_Failure_

_Dropout_

Lee mentally gave himself a shake. "I think we could become friends, if you would give me the chance. I would die for my friends. They are the most important things to me in the whole world.....and there are benefits in being friends, Gaara."

Gaara scowled, rising to his feet. "I have to go."

Lee sighed softly; feeling as though he had just lost. But he glanced up when Gaara paused halfway down the street. "I'll be in touch."

**I knoooow....its a short chapter**


	4. Chapter 4

Lee watched Gaara walk down the street with a faint smirk. His mind kept replaying over the redheads parting words; although he didn't expect Gaara to 'be in touch' any time soon. But he wouldn't rush him. He obviously had a lot to think about, and even more added to his plate now that Lee had proposed friendship. His head tilted as he watched Kankuro and Temari join Gaara's side on their way to the gates.

He sighed softly, almost forgetting he had crutches under his arm as he hobbled away, deciding a bit of training would do him good; despite the strict regulation that he was to be nowhere near the field until he was fully healed.

It was a long walk from one country to the other but despite the fact Gaara was naturally quiet unless issuing death threats or having a hell of a lot of fun tormenting someone; Kankuro and Temari were a little unsettled by this silence. Sure, Gaara definitely wasn't a chatter, but usually he would atleast say _something;_ threaten Kankuro for looking at him the wrong way, give orders or…_something._ But it had now been a day and a half since they had left Konoha, the beef tongue long gone, and Gaara hadn't as much as looked at them. The two wordlessly communicated over Gaara's head before it was Temari that was assigned to be the concerned sibling. She waited for Kankuro to leave, sending him to get firewood as they decided to camp for the night in one of the forests along the way.

"Gaara…?" She murmured cautiously, glancing to his gourd briefly before gently placing a hand on his shoulder. She felt a cold chill creep down her spine when he tensed, sand rustling at the contact before he shot her a cold glare. But despite that, she didn't back down. "Is something bothering you?"

"Besides the fact you are _touching_ me?" he growled out dangerously through grit teeth, feeling an inward surge of pleasure when she flinched, withdrawing the hand.

"Yes…besides that…"

He sighed softly, closing his eyes with a tired expression. It made him seem more human, less dangerous. "I have a lot on my mind. It's none of your business. Don't worry, it wont get in the way of my killing anyone who dares to attack."

"That's not-"

"I'm going for a walk." he muttered, in a tone that obviously said he wanted to be alone. He swiftly rose to his feet, crossing his arms as he disappeared into the greenery.

Temari sighed softly; rubbing at her neck. "That didn't go as planned…"

Gaara wandered a bit away, heading through the trees as his mind whirled. First he was offered friendship by the person he wanted to kill most; and then his sister started acting…_sisterly?_ What was wrong with the world? It was as though everyone had gone mad. Surely they couldn't have all forgotten who he was, _what_ he was. What he was housing. What was inside him, giving him power; and the urge to kill. He hopped up into a tree and sat, a leg dangling over the branch.

_You've got it all wrong, boy. They're not worried for __**you**__, they're worried that you're plotting their demise. They don't care about you, only their own safety._

Gaara closed his eyes, rubbing at his head as the demon interrupted his thoughts. "Shut up…leave me alone. I need to think."

A soft, sadistic chuckle echoed inside his mind; causing him to clench his fists in irritation.

_You truly are an idiot. No one cares. Why would they? You're a killer, just like me. That boy, he doesn't want your friendship. You should have killed him when you had the chance. He only wants to ensure his own life, by offering a lie of friendship, and loyalty. As soon as you turn your back, he will try and kill __**you.**_

One of the fists slammed into the tree as Gaara's eyes flashed menacingly. "_Shut up!"_ He hissed. He had his own doubts about Lee, but had been thinking he was allowed to hope. Allowed to think about it, and maybe, if he wanted, to accept the offer. But what Shukaku was making sense. No one had ever wanted to befriend him before. It was suspicious that directly after trying to kill the leaf ninja, that he had offered his friendship. His cyan eyes narrowed dangerously. He would accept, and make Lee regret his offer. He would invite him to Suna, and tell him he thought about it, and wanted to be friends. And then he would take all he could get, abuse him, and make sure that silly ninja didn't forget who and what he was.

It was a few days before a messenger hawk flew into Konoha, perching itself on Lee's windowsill as it shrieked at the sleeping form in the bed. The sound alone caused Lee to jerk, grabbing a kunai as he fell off his bed. When he sensed no immediate threat, he rubbed at his eyes drowsily. "What...?" His gaze drifted to the bird, recognizing the seal on the scroll it held. He leapt to his feet, a surge of white hot pain racing down the injured leg. He winced, but otherwise ignored it as he headed over to the window, accepting the paper. he watched as the bird then took off, heading back home.

Lee sighed softly, eyeing the scroll before he unwrapped it. His gaze wandered over the words, his eyebrows slowly creeping up. Bit when he reached the end of the letter, he was grinning brightly. Gaara had accepted his offer, and was requesting his presence in his village. And he was even demanding he be there as his liason. It was an on and off job. He would only be there six months out of the year; and the other six months would be his vacation before he was to return. And he was still free to accept the Hokage's missions. "Yosh!" He squeezed the paper in his hand, crumpling it as he punched a fist into the air. This was his chance. A chance to get closer to Gaara, and show him kindness. prove to him that there were good people in the world. People who would dare to befriend even the most dangerous people. He set down the paper once realizing it was now a crumpled mess before he directly headed for his bag to start packing for his journey.

**Sorry its so short...it was longer in notepad. . When I saw how short it was, I typed more, but then got writers block**


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